Dispatch from the Isthmus

Again from old (not too old emails)

This year´s annual dispatch finds us in Panama. We were able to construct the following quiz in the few spare minutes that our hectic Caribbean schedule allowed us. Here to help you better understand the demands of such a schedule is a summary of Wednesday{s events. For a geographical understanding of our location Google Bocas Del Toro Panama.

8:00 Wake Up. Lay in hammock for a few minutes. Go downstairs.
8:15 Eat breakfast. Scrambled eggs, cheese, freshly squeezed tropical juice.
8:45 Go upstairs, put on sunblock.
9:00 Get in boat with Captain Faustino. (Interestingly enough when we asked Tino what languages he spoke he told us, three. Spanish, English and Caribbean English. The tricky thing about Capitan Tino was that it took us about three days to figure out anything he said, especially over the roar of his outboard motor. (Dat der is me brudders hoss. Him lib der wit him tree dawter.)
10:00 Stop in the middle of nowhere. Look around hesitatingly. Then, snorkel.
11:00 Flop into boat.
12:00 Stop at beach side restaurant. Snorkel while your lunch is being prepared. Watch out for 5 inch grasshoppers.
1:00 Get into boat. Have some more misunderstandings with Tino.
2:00 Snorkel.
2:45 Flop into boat (On Thursday Tino brought a ladder to minimize flopping and ease our transition from sea to boat)
3:00 Snorkel
4:00 Flop into boat. Engage Tino in a discussion about politics and development of the Bocas del Toro area.
4:30 Arrive at hotel.
5:00 Shower (maybe)
5:15 Hammock time. Check guide book of tropical fish and attempt to determine what type of parrotfish you saw and if Faith really saw sharks.
5:31 Think about work.
5:31 and 12 seconds. Stop thinking about work.
7:00 Go downstairs for dinner.
8:00 Hammock time. Maybe walk around town.
9:30 Sleep.

From the depths of the hammock we have created this quiz for all of you all the way from the home of the canal and Noriega.

Choose the best answer:

1) Saladino is:
a. a spicy sausage usually eaten with breakfast.
b. a derogatory name for a Panamanian Chinese person.
c. the last name of the first Panamanian to win a gold medal.


2) A phrase which could best describe the taxi driver who brought us from the airport to the hotel is:
a. What he lacks in personality he makes up for in velocity.
b. What he lacks in personality he makes up for in wardrobe.
c. What he lacks in personailty he makes up for in numerous religious dashboard accoutrements.

3) The slightly overweight Panamanian woman walking down the street is wearing a tight t-shirt that says:
a. Sexy Back
b. 50% single
c. Go Green

4) In this Internet cafe there is a:
a. A shirtless man selling iguanas.
b. A woman breastfeeding two children at the same time.
c. A woman selling health shakes.

5) OPEN ENDED QUESTION Your hotel has published an itemized list of over 20 potential fines for damage to items in the room. How much will it cost you if you damage a hanger? How about the phonebook?

6) Choose what types of modifications you would most likely choose for a school bus which you will now be using as a city bus:
a. An airbrushed picture of Snoop Dogg, Shakira or your daughter Maria Elena on the back of the emergency exit door.
b. Two enormous stove pipe exhausts that frame the airbrushed picture.
c. Plastic shark fins on the roof.
d. Blinking or strobe light mounted on the dashboard or the hood.

7) Your flight from the capital to Bocas del Toro leaves at 6:35am. The travel agency guide picks you up at:
a. Never
b. 6:25am
c. 7:00am

8) If you were to miss your flight to Bocas Del Toro because the guide had to *change a flat tire* (even though he had not a sign of grease, dirt, or other tire changing filth on him), he would:
a. pay for another flight leaving only a few minutes later.
b. recommend that you pay for the flight and he will gladly pay you back on Thursday because he could definitely get fired for this.
c. run.










Answers:

1 C
2 A
3 A and B
4 C
5 $2.50 and $5.00
6 A,B,C, and D
7 B
8 B

Dispatch from the Dominican Republic

Sorting through some old emails, I came upon a dispatch from the past.


Favorite quote in Newark airport:
No, no hold my hand or I´ll put that leash on you.

There is no modern romance:
You will recall that there has been, in both Guatemala and Mexico, a certain fondness for the witty Tshirt slogan. Perhaps you remember the woman proudly wearing:

Con esa carne ni pide frijoles (With this meat you won´t order beans)

Unfortunately, the witty Tshirt has either gone out of style or not yet reached its apex in the Dominican Republic.

We would, however, like to designate our favorite thus far:

Orgasm Donor

Worn by a 30 something year old woman with two small children about 2 and 4 years of age.


Our favorite street sign thus far:

Peligro de Tiro (Danger of Bullet)


Quick Quiz

What can you put on a moped?

a) two tourists and a guide named Juan
b) three crates of fruit
c) a family of four including a grandmother and a toddler
d) three voluptuous teenage girls with high heels and tight jeans
e) a propane tank
f) all of the above
g) all of the above at the same time
h) none of the above

The correct answer is F but we are trying to organize a competition to test if G is actually possible.

2) What does No, Gracias mean?
a) Ok I will bring you on the tour.
b) Ok I will follow you to your hotel and then bring you on the tour.
c) Ok Let me ask you again. And after you say No Gracias again I will bring you on my tour.
d) All of the above


Correct answer is D. I bet you got it.

3) Your taxi:
a) Has a gas tank in the trunk.
b) Very dim interior lights, a broken gas meter, a broken speedometer, and a driver that describes multiple things including Dominican baseball as FUERTE (strong)
c) Has just navigated what appeared to be about a 9 way uncontrolled intersection although it would be hard to tell excatly how many vehicles were involved because half of them had no headlights while the others had their highbeams on.
d) driver´s name is Alejandro.
e) All of the above.


Here there is no correct answer (tricked you) but the best answer is E because sometimes his name could be Gustavo or Roberto.