Are You There God It's Me, Dan

I wake with an overwhelming sensation that I am a volcano.

My ¨volcanoness¨, however, destroys the boundaries that normally constrain the ordinary volcano. I shall either be exploding up or down or perhaps both although I am hoping that if that happens that it is not simultaneously.

This predicament is particularly unnerving considering at 4:00am I will be on a bus to the airport then on a plane then on another bus to Tikal the Mayan ruins in the north of the country.

Interesting side notes:

Hotel Doña Angelina´s toilet is so close to the wall you are actually able to rest your forehead against the wall while seated.

Hostal Calle Real´s toilet is so close to the sink you are actually able to rest your cheek on it and would, if the water were potable, probably be able to sip water out of the faucet while seated.

I decide that before I begin formulating strategy about the best seat to be puking out a window from in a bus, that I will speak to God.

Here is the transcript:

¨Ring¨, ¨Ring¨

GOD: Halo?
DAN: Hello, God it´s me Dan.
GOD: Usted ha comunicado con el Centro de Mensajes para Dios, Marque numero 1 para el Ingles, para continuar en Espanol Marque Numero 2

Dan presses Number 1 and is redirected.
Phone Picks Up.

DAN: Hello, God it´s me Dan.
GOD (with Indian accent): I know who it is.
DAN: That´s right sorry, look I was wondering if you could help me out here.
GOD: What´s seems to be the problem?
DAN: Well, I am in Guatemala and my stomach is killing me.
GOD: I made Guatemala, how do you like it so far?
DAN: It´s great but I was wondering if you could do something for my stomach at least until I get off the bus in Tikal.
GOD: Can you hold on a minute, I have another call.
DAN: Ok

Marimba music playing.

GOD: Ok sorry I´m back. You there?
DAN: Yeah, Im here.
GOD: Sorry, it´s really busy here, that was a woman who I brought back from the dead a while ago. Has like 5 kids and an alcoholic husband. When it rains it poors. She is always calling to thank me. Got a fruit basket from her the other day.
DAN: ¨Groan in pain¨
GOD: Can you verfiy your mother´s maiden name?
DAN: It´s Ferrante.
GOD: Ok, everything is right here. Ok it is done. Can I tell you about our afterlife savings plan?